Ninja versus Pirate featuring Zombies (How to end Human Suffering #1), James Marshall


Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring ZombiesNinja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies by James Marshall

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

So this book “Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies” by J. Marshall starts off like its title with a neverending scentence… upon reviewal of which one can guess upon the weirdness of this book immidiately….

Guy Boy Man is the Self Appointed saviour of the world from Human Suffering. He sees Zombies eveywhere and those who become their food.

He wants to start small by taking out the Principal of his high school first. There is an odd love story, odd characters and many odd details, that rectify this book being published by ChiZine (Motto: Embrace the ODD).

Where to start? Since I am not done the book (which I was (un)-fortunate enough to receive for review from NetGalley)as I needed to take a breather, let me start with the impression so far (I am on page 81 and the author just described a (fictional, I hope) school shooting in which he attacks the other side (whether he’s on the good side or the bad is unclear to all, him included)by taking cover behind a wheelchair bound girl who he has strapped thick books in front so that she (or as he so nicely describes -most importantly him)won’t get hit by the attacking “disturbed zombie teenagers'” bullets, but whose head gets shot away due to the fact that it was not protected by thick books… anyhow, if after description of this scene I can bring myself to attempt finishing this book just to find out if there is a deeper sense to it or if it is just a fiction written by a drug addled brain to appear like a Quentin Tarantino movie in a novel or by an individual with both schizophrenic and slightly authistic tendencies(boy does he like to play on words by trying to explain why some expressions could have a double meaning and then harp on the meaning he was implying…) with an affinity to Monty Python-esque humor…

So let’s start again. Maybe opposits is a good beginning. The book has neverending scentences with more than their share of objects, subjects, adjectives and adverbs on one hand and short staccato ones without the one or the other of the afore mentioned elements on the other hand.

It is extreme and outragous and the next minute narrow minded.

It is shallow and deep.

It is communist and liberal and fashist and conservative all in one…

It is racist and then it isn’t…

It is extremely offending… no opposite to this I could discerne yet!

It is either madness or genius… I lean towards the first. But then -as they say- those two often go hand in hand!

Disturbingly, I find myself thinking that it would in parts be incredible to give it to a bunch of bright Highschool students for interpretation but then fear that if they prove not to be bright enough that the Highschool students would take this highly symbolistic and metaphorical (so I hope!!!) writing literal and adopt the expressed ideas and worse yet act on them…

The full review might follow…(Pause)

Ok, so I finished the book that ends in the middle of a no ending threatening with a part two… this a series?!? When I want to recommend to never publish this book!!! Yep, the series is called “How to End Human Suffering”.

On my way home on this 28th day of February I hear about yet another school shooting where the third victim has just passed away…

I do not want to even quote the parts of the book that are seeing our delusional, schizophrenic main character -who is telling this story from his perspective- open fire in the hallway of a decrepid high school on what he sees as zombie teenagers…

I puzzled for hours trying to find the symbolism, struggled to the end of the book to receive more hints as to how to interpret the storyline in a favourable light, one perhaps with a message… and failed. I don’t know if I failed to receive the message or if it wasn’t delivered or maybe it was delivered to somewhere else and we failed to cross paths and thus my non-understanding of this piece of work (although it is questionable if it even qualifies as work or is just the ramblings of a maniac mind, maybe a piece of work himself). And if you thought that was a strange scentence then you just got a (really good, I think) example of the kind of writing you will find in this book if it ever gets published.

You know how they put warning signs on cigarette packages? How movies are rated etc. This book needs a few of those warnings in bold big bright red letters!!!

Of course I realize that writing negatively about a book on goodreads has in the past led to larger publicity for said book because it implies in-famousness- that’s what this book should be: non-famous (the true meaning of infamous, in this case anyways). That’s what reverse psychology as a strategy does. And if this book is an exercise in reverse psychology, then it is excellent at that. But to those who don’t react reverse to this psychology an explanation needs to be given in form of a warning not to take everything they read at face value, not to attempt any of it at home (or school or anywhere in fact)or a legend (like the one on maps, not like a story told about some occurance or a person that became legend)that explains the symbolism or something like that.(Again this writing in brackets is something that would be done in the book; maybe the book is infected with a virus that makes Zombies into non-Zombies and thus undead… sheesh, I’m infected!!!!) And it should not be given to anyone younger than 18 years of age -possibly older. Maybe you have to be more of a Zombie to get it without wanting to go out to kill and save the world from human suffering…

Also, the -on goodreads- with this book associated author James Marshall isn’t truly the one who wrote this book, seeing that he is a) a true children’s book author and b) passed away in 1992. The author of this book according to NetGalley is much younger and lives in BC. Has published short stories etc. in the early years of the 21st century.

In summary: If you are ready for a brain teasing fantasy with above mentioned tendencies to make you laugh (which many people do when they get scared due to an increase in adrenaline, which I think this book stimulates just as it stimulates the gag reflex occasionally)like a cross between a Monty Python movie and (due to drugs, blood, sex and strangely used references to the Bible) a Quentin Tarantino flick… go for it! If it gets published… and you are old and/or intelligent enough to digest it’s contents (not by eating it, of course, but metaphorically speaking).

Authors web site:…

review published on:

View all my reviews


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s